Thursday, September 27, 2007

Curse of the Chaac

We have seen much rain and thunder these days in Surat.

Would it have something to do with the success of 'Chaac de India'? We wonder.

Lord Chaac, like all Gods, is sensitive about usage of his name. SRK & Co. shall repent in Mayan hell, where the Chaac sings 'Aashiq Banayaaa..' through his long pendulous nose.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

If That Was BJP's RAM, This Is Mayawati's RAM


Kumari Mayawati has decided to give computers to the policemen she suspended. Sigh, they'll become sighber policemen now.

Reports are that she has decided to import all the components, except for the RAM for which the indigenously developed KanshiRAM will be used. It's a proud moment for us, Kumari Mayawati was quoted as saying, look how these communal forces are using their Ram to divide the county, we are using ours for the development of our state.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Twinty20!

Overheard here, there and somewhere after India's victory in the finals of the Twenty20 World Cup.

Jog Falls to be renamed to Jogi Falls for a day in honour of Joginder Sharma.

50% discount on all Uthappas across the country.*
*Offer valid only till India keeps winning.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Where Has Hutch Gone?

What did Shri Purushottam Yashwantrao Deshpande wonder on the Hutch boards being replaced overnight everywhere by this new red thing?

Yeh Vodakaun!
For the photographic evidence that led to Shri Deshpande's wonder, connect to this number.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Oh Brother

Found on an orkut profile:


Cuisines: One Brother

Answering questions you don’t want to-101

Life has a way of throwing questions at us which we might not want to answer, or have no idea how to. The skill to survive in such times could be life-saving.


This being an art form, can’t actually be taught. Everyone has their own unique style. But the key is in saying unrelated things for sometime till you see the confused expression on the questioner. If he tries to pull out his hair, then you are doing quite well. You might even be named one of the masters.


Definitely, the best way to get good at the technique is to learn it from the masters.

In India(master BP Singhal) and Abroad(video below).

video

Friday, September 21, 2007

Mystifying Bill

One of my friend had recently gone to Surat.

His hotel bill had the following item which left him totally confused


3 Paints (Wosing): Rs 45




On enquiry it turned out he had given 3 pants for laundary.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Adam Gilchrist's Alternate Profession

If he were not a cricketer, which other sport would Adam Gilchrist play?

Gilli Danda

Ball By Ball Details

This is what happens when one looks too much into the details of the balls. Like Cricinfo did, for example.

The reporter Martin Williamson rambles on, exceeding the limits of irritation set by our geography teachers.

In the main, they perished playing ugly heaves and mows. The format calls for big hitting - Sri Lanka decided to go for reckless slogging. What followed was horrible.

Horrible, is what you will see below. Sri Lanka playing against Sri Lanka.



















Balls to Thanks to our dear all-knowing bandu for this tip. Balls or otherwise, we get our details right. We recently uncovered those of Dia Mirza and Celina Jaitley.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Not Only Butt Also

Rohit Roy dared to pinch Dia Mirza's butt.

PS. Nice nice. Maybe he should join the Indian Cricket Team as pinch-hitter. Looks like structures of Bollywood actresses are becoming objects our attention. See our previous post on Celina Jaitley's pyramidal mammaries.

PPS. Will Rohit Roy become the butt of all jokes now? But isn't that reserved for Mahesh Bhatt and his interviews?

A Very Serious Chinese

Will a very serious Chinese be called Serious Lee?

PS. Surprise surprise! Serious Lee is not in China, but in the UK. But the amazing fact is that there exists someone by that name!

Monday, September 17, 2007

Good lesson for the kids...

This pic was taken in Nehru Science centre in Mumbai .



"Their next project , the program MS DOS , written for IBM PCs , revolutionized the computer world" ..... yeah right!

P.S : See the movie "Pirates of the Silicon Valley"

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Two Things About Crocodile Hunting

Why did the crocodile hunters end their hunt after they caught just one crocodile?

Because they thought two magarmach is too bad.

PS. Magarmach is crocodile in Hindi.
PPS. It's really overcast here, hence this post might not be in the best of the lights. Still, we'd like to dedicate this post to Shri Steve Irwin.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Ram Naam Bakwaas Hai

Bad times these, for Rams. Be it Ram Gopal Varma being panned for the Aag in Urmila's huge belly or Lord Ram himself, whose (imaginary?) Bridge Over Troubled Water is running into some rough weather.










When these people talk about reservations and building bridges, I believe that they're talking about train reservations and building bridges damaged due to floods. How naïve, it's time I woke up!

Tennis Fun

Meet the funniest player on tennis circuit....Who is it?



Novak "Joke"-ovich.

Sounds like they always knew what he was going to turn out to be.

Buffaloes Of Mumbai Sing



















Buffaloes of Mumbai sing which song?

In the Mumbai, all over India, we are the bhains, we are the bhains.

PS. Inspired by Ganpat from Shootout At Lokhandwala. Replace the bhais with bhains. Such fun it is. Never mind the movie, two songs from the movie more than make up for the waste. Aakhri Alvida and Ganpat.



PPS. I know, I know. Every single tune from Aakhri Alvida is lifted from Clocks. They are Strings, and they've done a good job, the lift notwithstanding.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Monday, September 10, 2007

Calling all wannabe dads

Celina Jaitley has landed herself a new job. Its has got something to do with those pyramidal mammaries, is what I hear.



Anyway, we all know, from her previous splendid work, about her undying devotion to the roles she takes up. Rumours are that her overwhelming dedication to the new job, makes her want to become a 'Mummy'.

Anyone wanting to help her in this noble endeavour is requested to contact her soon, as the 'Openings' are limited..

Update: She has yet to come up with the right guy. There is still hope. Who could have guessed the drawbacks of winning sex appeal polls..

Phizeeks...eeks!

The following concerns a question in a physics degree exam at the University of Copenhagen:

"Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper using a barometer."

One student replied:

"You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground.

The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building."

This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed.

The student appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case.

The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics.

To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity the basic principles of physics.

For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought.

The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn't make up his mind which to use.

On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows:

"Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground.

The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H = 0.5g x t squared. But bad luck on the barometer."

"Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow.

Then you measure the length of the skyscraper's shadow, and thereafter it is a simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work out the height of the skyscraper."

"But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper.

The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force
T = 2 pi sq root (l / g)."

"Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up."

"If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building."

"But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor's door and say to him, 'If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper'."

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Oonche log... Oonchii pasand!


Took this pic while on a stroll on Colaba Causway, Mumbai.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Robin Utthappa's Name Change

What will now Robin Utthappa's name be, after he robbed England of a victory in the Wednesday match?



Robwin Uthhappa

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Tension At The Cow Slaughterhouse

What did the authorities do when it was tense at the cow slaughterhouse?


They beefed up the security.

Lazarus Long says...

“Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.”
more at: Lazarus Long

Monday, September 3, 2007

N.U.S. in his/her veins

Q: What do you call a proud alumni of National University of Singapore(NUS)?

A: Uske nus nus mein NUS hai!

This One Tickles The Funny Bone, Definitely.



















CNN-IBN calls him Sanja Dutt . Thanks CNN-IBN, it is such fun.

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Whichside??

A new mall opened up in Surat.
The Westside store over there is suffering from serious identity crisis...










...its on the East side of the building