Sunday, December 30, 2007

Appy New Year



















We wish all our (a handful fingerful?) readers an Appy New Year!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Madhuri's Halwa

Madhuri's Laddoos would have perhaps been a more appropriate cheesy title for this post.

Anyway, we have now seen the back of Madhuri - her back in the movie poster and she possibly going back to being the second most beautiful mom in the world. The first of course, is Britney Spears.





























According to reports, and not Madhuri's pregnancy reports, Madhuri is contemplating on opening a sweet shop. So sweet, na? And reports also say that the shop will have an official soundtrack to which the entire Aaja Nachle team is being roped in for the video. They hope to make some money out of this at least. Not from the music or the video, but from the sale of sweets.

Now what would the top song from the sweet album?


Show Me Your Halwa?

Sunday, December 16, 2007

My Good Friend Mani

If a good friend of mine is named Mani, is it imperative that he be from Manipal? Think about it. Maybe this is as close as one can get to being Mangalored.

DATE palms, oil and terrorists!

What do you call an arabic cow?



A Milk Sheikh!

Friday, December 7, 2007

Isn't It Odd That It Is Even?

Isn't it strange that seven is actually an odd number?

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Chandler Goes Missing

Chandler suddenly goes missing and Marta Kauffman and co. decide to make a Bollywood movie with the remaining actors in memory of Chandler. What is the name of the movie?

Khoya Khoya Chand(ler)?



















PS. Khoya Khoya Chand

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Language Of Deaf And Dumb Mathematicians,

What language would two deaf and dumb mathematicians communicate with each other in?

Sine Language.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Toilet For The Bald

When Shri Devegowda was the Prime Minister, he had commissioned a special project to build toilets for the bald. The innovative design for the toilets would make sure the ceiling of these toilets would be 78.5% leaky so that a drop of water would fall every 2.3 seconds on their heads. Now what would be the name of these special toilets?

Tak-loo?

Thursday, November 22, 2007

The World's Best T-shirt


What the bloody hell is this?


From the world's best blahg comes the world's best t-shirt. To cut the long story shirt short, here's the t-shirt for you. Do not get distracted by the wonderful modull model posing with the t-shirt, pay attention to the wonderful t-shirt instead.

Front:




















Back:




















Damn, it's such a stupid t-shirt

Really? You either get it or you don't. And if you have not, get out on the road, walk for 23 meters - not a meter more, not a meter less. Wait there and ask the first female walking by
carrying a purple handkerchief. She will know for sure. Huh.

Ok, I've got it. How do I get the t-shirt?

See, now you're talking sense. This t-shirt might be the best piece of visible fabric your body has ever had on it. Of course, there are better pieces of fabric your body would've had on it and much closer than this t-shirt. But we have learnt our Moral Science lessons well and we know exposing is not appropriate. Hence, this t-shirt comes with an OK certificate from the Exposure Control Authority Of India.

If you want to get this amazing creation, indicate in the comments to the post or write to 10plus3i@gmail.com. Here are the details -

Size - The model in the photo above is wearing an M size t-shirt. So an L would probably fit most men to the tee. An M for most women?

Cost - Higher the quantity of the order, lower will be the price. Estimated price is Rs. 200. And we'll try to keep it within that.

Quality - Fairly Decent.

Delivery - It's that good, eh? That you want it delivered right away? We're glad. Tell us if you want the t-shirt either by comments or by e-mail. We'll see how many t-shirt we're printing, arrive at the cost of one t-shirt and then get in touch with you for the address. Delivery charges extra. Definitely lesser than most maternity hospitals.

To hell with you. Absolute bullshit this is. Such huge fuss over such non-sense.

We're happy. At least someone is honest. Now if you'd only let us what about the t-shirt makes you feel that way. That it's a t-shirt and not a t-short? That it has Gabbar and not Mogambo? That the idea in itself is ridiculous? Tell us, please.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Dr. Manmohan Singh's Om Shanti Om













If Dr. Singh were to dance to get rid of the pain in his Left foot, which one would it be?

Sard-E-Disco

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Abhishake It Baby














Now that Abhishek Bachchan-Rai and Aishwarya Rai-Bachchan are running from temple pillar to dargah post for their rumoured yet to be born(or not being born?) child, what should the name of the Jr. Bachchan Jr. be?

Bachhda?

The rediff discussion boards are source of immense amusement. All posts and replies from this one are so very profound. Sample this -
Ash-Abhi : Most eligible flop jodi in India
Amar Singh : Most eligible Tail in the world

Aur Abhishek - Sheikh banke isee dargah ke saamne phool bejne ka waqt aur door nahin....

Dear Readers,

Add your awards as wel
Add, the readers did. Head to the discussion boards for more fun. Boarded that bus, eh?

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Sreesanth And His Shop

Sreesanth, on his retirement, opens a shop selling dance costumes. And with every purchase, one gets a free DVD of his performance after the sixer off Andre Nel. Huh. What will his name be then?

Freesanth

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Diwali And Hindu-Muslim Unity

And for once, we're not joking. Seriously. In these seemingly troubled times, as a young thing would say - "Oh! there's still no World Peace yet, and do not even talk about poverty and hunger. Those malnourished kids from Africa they show on Discovery? Man, I couldn't even have my dinner that day", what is a heartening sign for us in India about Diwali?

That there's an Ali in Diwali!

Reading between the lines helps, no?

PS. The skipping dinner part, for the young thing, was anyway part of the diet regimen. So much for hunger and poverty. And World Peace. Huh.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

New, Old And Current

What did the old electricity wire tell the younger one?


Boy! You're so current.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Mian Musharraf And Media Gag

Now that General, President, Cricket Board Chief and the man in charge of everything that matters in Pakistan has imposed emegency, what will the proponents of free speech call him?


Hush-arraf?

Friday, November 2, 2007

Urban Singh

What would call an urban Sardar?

Turban?

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Maano Ya Na Maano























Now that Sanjay Dutt is in jail, away from his lady love, what song will he be heard singing in jail?

Dil Hai Ki Manyata Nahin.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Shall we tell the Vice President?

What is the similarity between watching the documentary, 'An Inconvenient Truth', and being a Matador?


You run the risk of being Gored to death

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Hot tam orgy!

Which Creed song did one horny Tam Brahm sing to another?


Can you take me Iyer?

:)

Monday, October 29, 2007

Powar out of Power

After the ODI World Cup finals awards ceremony, the Aussies shoved Sharad Powar out of the podium. What would you term this ignominy?


Powar Play’ed

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Comic 'Times of India'

Recently overheard a rant by a Times of India reporter about the headline he proposed to his editor for the Abhi-Ash wedding:

Abhi Ash, baad mein cash!

Friday, October 26, 2007

Zzzzz Mr. Bean

What do you call him when Rowan Atkinson is sleeping?



Soya Bean :)

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Dressing Down

Whatay dressing down this. Huh.

Cross-posted on Linkosarcoma.

Update: Aapnu Surat
and its repercussions

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

If Mice Were Aunts

What will you call your aunt if she is a mouse?

Mousie?

PS. Knowledge - How to Tell if a Mouse Is Male or Female?

PPS. More Knowledge - Shabnam Mousi
Shabnam Mousi is a campy, action-packed Bollywood film about a kickass Indian hijra who, after being falsely accused of her adoptive mother's murder, goes on the run. Saving young girls and battling slimy villains, she uses song, dance, martial arts and a sly wit to fight her way to the top...of Parliament! Did we mention this is an actual person? Shabnam Mousi, now well-known in her country, was the first hijra to run for political office in India. Here, her life and fight for self-determination are given a full Bollywood makeover, complete with hilarious fight scenes, singing assassins and melodramatic village dance numbers. While the story does stall occasionally, the film's madcap delivery and Shabnam Mousi's fierce rise to power will leave you cheering in the aisles.
PPPS. Kickass Indian Hijras. My foot! No, their feet. Suffering at their hands is suffering enough. Why their feet? Nah baba nah!

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Welcome To Fucking

Come, let's go Fucking. That's Fucking with a capital F. Damn, it's not what you think it is. More about it at the C a a p i r i g h t e r's blog.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Save Paper - Save World

This simple advertising stunt is extremely effective in passing across the message as to how the rain forests of Amazon are being depleted by our thoughtless usage.

This is what Saatchi & Saatchi, Denmark had to say:

To make people realize that saving the planet starts with them saving paper, we took a standard paper dispenser and made a simple modification with green foil and the silhouette of South America. This allowed us to prove that the survival of the forest is directly connected to what people consume.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Chunari Ke Neeche Kya Hai?

Absolutely wrong it is, when Jayanth says I want to become a filmmaker. I do not want to, I've already begun working as one. What better way to begin than arriving at possible names for the movie. Inspired by Laaga Chunari Mein Daag, here are the possible names -

Gaaya Chunari Se Raag

Ghusa Chunari Mein Naag


Plot, cast details, item songs, songs with the heroine dancing drenched in a white saree, rape scenes, props for songs - balls, balloons, flags, bikes are all open for your imagination. All suggestions are most welcome.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Scared, Really Scared Electronics Engineers

Would XORcist be the most horrifying movie for an electronics engineer? Maybe. Maybe not. Aw, that's even horrifying. Not being able to answer with a Yes or a No. Ah, Or is another gate again! Horrifying, definitely not. For this electronics engineer who's crossed the GATE.

Hips don't lie



After we covered the assets of Celina Jaitley and Dia Mirza, we did the natural thing.





We wondered, why Rakhi Sawant rolled her 'arse'?

After much investigation, we find it's...
...because her American accent trainer told her to roll her 'R's.

Well, can't blame her for trying to improve! We wish her all the best.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Help thy enemy

We have always thought that competitors in market will do anything to kill each other off. I guess we in India will never be the true capitalists...

Here a couple of example that I came across:

1) www.airtel.com : Expect Airtel's website to open up...

2) Try booking a ticket online at IRCTC i.e. Indian Railways.


Looks like Spice Jet is the only one that takes Lalu to Patna :)

Friday, October 12, 2007

Laaga Chunri me Aag

A lot of people have been changing professions of late. And everyone wants to become a film maker somehow (No reference to Nikhil).

Some movies which could possibly be made by "non star sons/ daughters"

Your Cigarettewala's movie:

Dhuaan. The Fog.

Your Paanwaala's movie:

Supari. The killer.

Your Driver's movie:

Sadak pe gaadi. Ladki ki saadi.

Your Firefighter's movie:

Laga Chunri me aag

Your Autowalla's movie:

Nau rupaiya Bhada. Payssinger itna Jada

GNM's Movie:

Jung

Your 'blue' taxi drivers movie:

Pati Patni aur Whore


Of Mice and Men: The Stuarts-- Little and Broad

Stuart Little has been made into a Broadway play.

Logically, (and especially so in this blog), what happens next?


Stuart Broad in a Broadway of course. The crack of the willow hitting the leather for six consecutive sixes was the sweetest sound that around a billion Indians have heard in a long time.



Bakwas, I know. Just shaking off the rust.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Hip Hop And Music From Other Body Parts

For this, Bangaloreans should mind their Black Eyed Peas and Queues.

Link: Mind One's P's and Q's

Bankers, the interesting types

What did they call the nymphomaniac banker?

They called her a f---'ING Veshya'.

Heh! like she cares. She is out there selling selling herself to the bidders. TCS, Wipro, Infy, Capgemini are all in the race. And she seems to have an eye for wealthy Indians too.

IT Is A Serious Matter

IT indeed is. When Gautam Gambhir's house is raided for tax evasion . For once run-out is good. Running out of such problems. While we're at IT, now will he have to pay through his nose after this - Himesh Comes Under The IT Scanner. I hope the scanner is safe and unsound. No one would want his sound.

Crossposted on Linkosarcoma.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Sreesanth and the taste of India

I am a fan of Amul, as are most of us here. They have this way of coming up with deliciously funny hoardings, they call topicals.

Acting how he does, Sreesanth was bound to get some screen time from them.




After praising his dancing skills (after the six against South Africa)...









...Amul now, tells him to stay calm!





Though many would agree with Amul, they would also accept that this report goes over the top(much like Sree himself), when it says this!

"If Andrew Symonds wasn't such a gentle fellow, India's Shanthakumaran Sreesanth's nose would probably be plastered all over his leering face.

The Hindu and occasionally Christian bowler can thank all his gods that the secular Queenslander is a man of peace and tranquility."
In other news, he is writing songs, acting in music videos and is being offered movies. "After that, if I have time I will practise bowling", he says. Ok, I made up the last line.


India's Finest Astrologer

India's finest astrologer lives somewhere in Gujrat and his name is Shree Palm Mistry.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Chained

Chain mails come in varied forms...but this one caught my attention.

Found in my orkut scrap book:

I lost my brand new Natraj HB pencil with a rubber attached.

The pencil costs Rs.3/. If u forward this msg I will get one
paisa from orkut. If you have heart and want to
help a poor child in need, plz fwd it to atleast
10 friends. Please don't neglect. Otherwise my mom will scold me.
If you forward it then your life will change for ever (u will get
one pack of sketch pens and an apsara non-dust eraser within 3 days).
Do NOT delete this message otherwise greek gods will get angry with you
and your life will be pencil-less forever.
Good Luck will come to you for wasting time

Saturday, October 6, 2007

(Ig)Noble Intentions?

List of this year's Ignoble award winners...Definitely an interesting read.

Medicine - Brian Witcombe, of Gloucestershire Royal NHS Foundation Trust, UK, and Dan Meyer for their probing work on the health consequences of swallowing a sword.

Physics - A US-Chile team who ironed out the problem of how sheets become wrinkled.

Biology - Dr Johanna van Bronswijk of the Netherlands for carrying out a creepy crawly census of all of the mites, insects, spiders, ferns and fungi that share our beds.

Chemistry - Mayu Yamamoto, from Japan, for developing a method to extract vanilla fragrance and flavouring from cow dung.

Linguistics - A University of Barcelona team for showing that rats are unable to tell the difference between a person speaking Japanese backwards and somebody speaking Dutch backwards.

Literature - Glenda Browne of Blue Mountains, Australia, for her study of the word "the", and how it can flummox those trying to put things into alphabetical order.

Peace - The US Air Force Wright Laboratory for instigating research and development on a chemical weapon that would provoke widespread homosexual behaviour among enemy troops.

Nutrition - Brian Wansink of Cornell University for investigating the limits of human appetite by feeding volunteers a self-refilling, "bottomless" bowl of soup.

Economics - Kuo Cheng Hsieh of Taiwan for patenting a device that can catch bank robbers by dropping a net over them.

Aviation - A National University of Quilmes, Argentina, team for discovering that impotency drugs can help hamsters to recover from jet lag.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Yana Gupta's Gandhi Jayanti

No, Yana Gupta hasn't changed her name to Jayanti Gandhi.

What song would Yana Gupta dance to, as a tribute to Gandhiji?

Bapuji Zara Dheere Chalo.

Tags: , ,

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Curse of the Chaac

We have seen much rain and thunder these days in Surat.

Would it have something to do with the success of 'Chaac de India'? We wonder.

Lord Chaac, like all Gods, is sensitive about usage of his name. SRK & Co. shall repent in Mayan hell, where the Chaac sings 'Aashiq Banayaaa..' through his long pendulous nose.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

If That Was BJP's RAM, This Is Mayawati's RAM


Kumari Mayawati has decided to give computers to the policemen she suspended. Sigh, they'll become sighber policemen now.

Reports are that she has decided to import all the components, except for the RAM for which the indigenously developed KanshiRAM will be used. It's a proud moment for us, Kumari Mayawati was quoted as saying, look how these communal forces are using their Ram to divide the county, we are using ours for the development of our state.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Twinty20!

Overheard here, there and somewhere after India's victory in the finals of the Twenty20 World Cup.

Jog Falls to be renamed to Jogi Falls for a day in honour of Joginder Sharma.

50% discount on all Uthappas across the country.*
*Offer valid only till India keeps winning.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Where Has Hutch Gone?

What did Shri Purushottam Yashwantrao Deshpande wonder on the Hutch boards being replaced overnight everywhere by this new red thing?

Yeh Vodakaun!
For the photographic evidence that led to Shri Deshpande's wonder, connect to this number.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Oh Brother

Found on an orkut profile:


Cuisines: One Brother

Answering questions you don’t want to-101

Life has a way of throwing questions at us which we might not want to answer, or have no idea how to. The skill to survive in such times could be life-saving.


This being an art form, can’t actually be taught. Everyone has their own unique style. But the key is in saying unrelated things for sometime till you see the confused expression on the questioner. If he tries to pull out his hair, then you are doing quite well. You might even be named one of the masters.


Definitely, the best way to get good at the technique is to learn it from the masters.

In India(master BP Singhal) and Abroad(video below).

video

Friday, September 21, 2007

Mystifying Bill

One of my friend had recently gone to Surat.

His hotel bill had the following item which left him totally confused


3 Paints (Wosing): Rs 45




On enquiry it turned out he had given 3 pants for laundary.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Adam Gilchrist's Alternate Profession

If he were not a cricketer, which other sport would Adam Gilchrist play?

Gilli Danda

Ball By Ball Details

This is what happens when one looks too much into the details of the balls. Like Cricinfo did, for example.

The reporter Martin Williamson rambles on, exceeding the limits of irritation set by our geography teachers.

In the main, they perished playing ugly heaves and mows. The format calls for big hitting - Sri Lanka decided to go for reckless slogging. What followed was horrible.

Horrible, is what you will see below. Sri Lanka playing against Sri Lanka.



















Balls to Thanks to our dear all-knowing bandu for this tip. Balls or otherwise, we get our details right. We recently uncovered those of Dia Mirza and Celina Jaitley.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Not Only Butt Also

Rohit Roy dared to pinch Dia Mirza's butt.

PS. Nice nice. Maybe he should join the Indian Cricket Team as pinch-hitter. Looks like structures of Bollywood actresses are becoming objects our attention. See our previous post on Celina Jaitley's pyramidal mammaries.

PPS. Will Rohit Roy become the butt of all jokes now? But isn't that reserved for Mahesh Bhatt and his interviews?

A Very Serious Chinese

Will a very serious Chinese be called Serious Lee?

PS. Surprise surprise! Serious Lee is not in China, but in the UK. But the amazing fact is that there exists someone by that name!

Monday, September 17, 2007

Good lesson for the kids...

This pic was taken in Nehru Science centre in Mumbai .



"Their next project , the program MS DOS , written for IBM PCs , revolutionized the computer world" ..... yeah right!

P.S : See the movie "Pirates of the Silicon Valley"

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Two Things About Crocodile Hunting

Why did the crocodile hunters end their hunt after they caught just one crocodile?

Because they thought two magarmach is too bad.

PS. Magarmach is crocodile in Hindi.
PPS. It's really overcast here, hence this post might not be in the best of the lights. Still, we'd like to dedicate this post to Shri Steve Irwin.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Ram Naam Bakwaas Hai

Bad times these, for Rams. Be it Ram Gopal Varma being panned for the Aag in Urmila's huge belly or Lord Ram himself, whose (imaginary?) Bridge Over Troubled Water is running into some rough weather.










When these people talk about reservations and building bridges, I believe that they're talking about train reservations and building bridges damaged due to floods. How naïve, it's time I woke up!

Tennis Fun

Meet the funniest player on tennis circuit....Who is it?



Novak "Joke"-ovich.

Sounds like they always knew what he was going to turn out to be.

Buffaloes Of Mumbai Sing



















Buffaloes of Mumbai sing which song?

In the Mumbai, all over India, we are the bhains, we are the bhains.

PS. Inspired by Ganpat from Shootout At Lokhandwala. Replace the bhais with bhains. Such fun it is. Never mind the movie, two songs from the movie more than make up for the waste. Aakhri Alvida and Ganpat.



PPS. I know, I know. Every single tune from Aakhri Alvida is lifted from Clocks. They are Strings, and they've done a good job, the lift notwithstanding.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Monday, September 10, 2007

Calling all wannabe dads

Celina Jaitley has landed herself a new job. Its has got something to do with those pyramidal mammaries, is what I hear.



Anyway, we all know, from her previous splendid work, about her undying devotion to the roles she takes up. Rumours are that her overwhelming dedication to the new job, makes her want to become a 'Mummy'.

Anyone wanting to help her in this noble endeavour is requested to contact her soon, as the 'Openings' are limited..

Update: She has yet to come up with the right guy. There is still hope. Who could have guessed the drawbacks of winning sex appeal polls..

Phizeeks...eeks!

The following concerns a question in a physics degree exam at the University of Copenhagen:

"Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper using a barometer."

One student replied:

"You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground.

The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building."

This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed.

The student appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case.

The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics.

To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity the basic principles of physics.

For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought.

The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn't make up his mind which to use.

On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows:

"Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground.

The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H = 0.5g x t squared. But bad luck on the barometer."

"Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow.

Then you measure the length of the skyscraper's shadow, and thereafter it is a simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work out the height of the skyscraper."

"But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper.

The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force
T = 2 pi sq root (l / g)."

"Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up."

"If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building."

"But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor's door and say to him, 'If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper'."

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Oonche log... Oonchii pasand!


Took this pic while on a stroll on Colaba Causway, Mumbai.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Robin Utthappa's Name Change

What will now Robin Utthappa's name be, after he robbed England of a victory in the Wednesday match?



Robwin Uthhappa

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Tension At The Cow Slaughterhouse

What did the authorities do when it was tense at the cow slaughterhouse?


They beefed up the security.

Lazarus Long says...

“Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.”
more at: Lazarus Long

Monday, September 3, 2007

N.U.S. in his/her veins

Q: What do you call a proud alumni of National University of Singapore(NUS)?

A: Uske nus nus mein NUS hai!

This One Tickles The Funny Bone, Definitely.



















CNN-IBN calls him Sanja Dutt . Thanks CNN-IBN, it is such fun.

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Whichside??

A new mall opened up in Surat.
The Westside store over there is suffering from serious identity crisis...










...its on the East side of the building

Thursday, August 30, 2007

The Apple On Newton's Head

The apple fell on Sir Newton's head.....















...and then he realised the gravity of the situation.

Death Of A Comic Strip

When is a comic strip said to be dead?














When it loses its character.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Vidya Balan's Restaurant

Q: If Vidya Balan opens a restaurant, what will it be named?













A: Balan's Balance.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

All the President's Women.


What car would this man be driving?
























'Alpha' Romeo.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Whom Should You Worship On Raksha Bandhan

Whom should you worship on Raksha Bandhan?


Click Here For Answer

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Why Are We Left Stranded?

















What is Dr. Manmohan saying to Shrimata Shrimati Sonia Gandhi?


Wouldn't it be great if they just Left us alone?

Pleased to Mention, PJs Like This You Should Shun.

He shunned it the first time.
He shunned it the second time.
He shunned it the third time.
He shunned it the fourth time.
He shunned it the fifth time.
He shunned it the sixth time.
He shunned it the seventh time.
He shunned it the eighth time.
He shunned it the ninth time.
He shunned it the tenth time.

Why, but why did he shun?


Click here to know why

Su Che
















A tribute to the two great personalities. One, a communist who is now seen on all possible consumer products. Could anything get more capitalist? Read more here. Another one, battles on.

This is also a tribute to our dear Canteen Quiz Club at NIT, Surat- Su Che Ché and a larger tribute to the Holy Godmother who blessed us all. Hail! the Holy Godmother.

Rate this post

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

If Rakhi Sawant Were Devegowda's Daughter

If Rakhi Sawant were Devegowda's daughter, what would her name be?

Click Here For Answer



Rate this post

slurrrrrpppppppppp!


P.S : "enjal" in kannada means saliva!
P.P.S. Nikhil - Hail Yahoo! Answers. Here's more on enjalu and left-overs in different languages. Click on the link and scroll down. What is the English word for "jhoota hai" (NOT LIAR).

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Why Mayawati Should Play Cricket?

Because India loses again against England and CNN-IBN tells us this -

Mayawati slams century, village bats for Behenji.


Wow, such powerful player she must be, with an entire village batting for her. Would be fun, Mayawati at the presentation cermony on how her team demolished the opponents. Wait, hasn't that happened already? We call that the Oath Taking Ceremony in India, no?

18 Vodkas

A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay."

The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks.
When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I
just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!"

On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double
vodkas. The bartender said, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like
women?"

The man downed the first drink and shook his head, "Yeah, my wife!"

Suggestive Calculus

Now don't tell me that you've forgotten to integrate and substitute...

After Bheja Fry

After having lunch (the bheja fry one) at the Blue Nile restaurant, we came out. Arindam's phone didnt have any balance left.

Arindam : Do you know where I can get an Idea recharge?

Me: I have no idea.

Bheja Fry

Arindam ( wolfing down bheja masala with roti) : Want to have some?

Me(looking at a brain segment in disgust): No thanks. I have a mental block.

Arindam: 'Mental' block?

Saturday, August 18, 2007

New age Ads

One of the seniors here at WIMWI was in Bengaluru last week...and this is how he was welcomed outside the airport.

Do I see something u dont?

Friday, August 17, 2007

The Mind Blowing Mahiya Series

This series is a tribute to the third best piece of art in this world. Second best, is this gem by 64arts. First? Family - Ties of Blood.

This post will be updated as and when we come up with more tributes to the great piece of art. God says - Mind blowing Mahiya. We say -


Horn Blowing Gaadiyan.

Wicket Keeping Dahiya.


PS. Presenting the third best piece of art in this world.

Ms.VJ

Q: What would call a female MTV VJ?

A: Vijaya!!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

If Krishna Were Chinese

If Krishna were Chinese, what would his favourite dish be?

Click Here For Answer

Sushant Shrivastava's Love

What advice will you give Sushant Shrivastava if he's hiding his love from everyone?

Kaddu muchchi preeti maadbeda.


PS. It's a very Kannada thing. 64arts, please explain. Those of you who know the great Sushant Shrivastava, kaddu might make a lot of sense, which is fine. For those who do not know who he is, it will make no sense, which is perfectly fine.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

John 36:100

Jesus Never Fails..............you know why???

Answer

iSuck

This was my friend Varun's status message on Gtalk :

even if Apple sucks, it will be called iSuck.

P.S : Its a original.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Unhappy PSU Employees

Employees of which PSU are the unhappiest?

Cribco.


PS. The Kribhco website.

High Politicians

Why were all the new MPs stoned after their first day in Parliament?










The Lok Sabha and Rajya Sabha had a "joint" session

Monday, August 13, 2007

How pjs are born

Arindam (looking down at a shirt which resembles a discarded tissue paper): Do I need to iron this shirt?

Me: I think you should.

Him: I cant. I am pressed for time.

Me, excited, with my pj radar extended all the way up: You said 'pressed' for time!

Him (probably expecting the wisecrack the moment he uttered the sentence and regretting his utterance deeply): ya, ya. I get it.


Me, about to hammer the final nail into his pj-irritated soul's coffin : How about this then - I was pressed for time so I didnt have time to press!

The dementors close in on him.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Straight from the Junglebellows' heart

What do you call a movie about communal clashes in the Jungle?

-- Tarzania!


What do you call a road made in the middle of an jungle?

-- Tar-zone

What if an Italian made it?

-- He would name it Tarzone

Friday, August 10, 2007

GOO F Up

The post below this is not part of GOO Series. Instead it is GOO F UP Series.


criticized by Junglee. :(

Another GOO

What if Leonardo da Vinci was a GOO JOO?









He would have painted monaliben.

Celebrating Freedom















Happy Independence Day.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Fashion Designer For Knees


Which fashion designer would design the best clothes for knees?

Vikram Phad-knees.










The designer's website here.

Bechara Nikhil

What would you say if Nikhil shot himself in the knee?

Knee-kill!

Is this a 'Goo'd one?

Warning: This 'Goo' post is going to be a continuously updated series of PJs. Read on at your own risk.

What do you get when you cross an alternative rock band with Gujarati speaking Barbies?

--The Goo Joo (Gujju) Dolls



What do you get when you cross an alternative rock band with Hebrew speaking Barbies?

--The Goo Jew Dolls


What do u get when u cross an alternative rock band with designer Barbies?

-- The 'Goo Chi' dolls

Another surdi joke

Bloody nikhil...just for the record, i had thought of this pj before u posted urs.

What do you call a sardar with an inside-out tummy?

Ab-surd!

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

CNN-IBN - India's Best Entertainment Channel Part 4

Is CNN-IBN debates.

A Group Of Six Sardars

What is a group of six Sardars called?

Surd-aar.


PS. Aar(u) is six in Kannada.

Shahrukh ka plural

What is thew plural of "Shah Rukh Khan"?

Ans: ICICI


Ask me how?


Shah rukh says: Main Hoon Na
ICICI says: Hum Hai Na.

Eye-Spy

Seen at Mumbai's Chatrapati Shivaji International Airport - "Tops Security Officer"

Movie Review of CASH (A.K.A. Assessment of Self-Imposed Brain Damage)

Cast: Shamita Shetty, Esha Deol, Zayed Khan, Ritesh Deshmukh, Sunil Shetty, Dia Mirza, Ajay Devgan

Director: Anubhav Sinha

Story: My first impression was that the movie was a random collection of the most embarrassing moments of the actors taken by hidden camera. However, the widely prevalent belief regarding the plot, among my fellow-survivors, is as follows – Esha Deol, Zayed Khan, Ritesh Deshmukh (all names + or – the numerology) are recruited by Ajay Devgan, who is recruited by Dia Mirza, who is recruited by Sunil Shetty, who is recruited by unknown B/C grade firang actor, to steal some diamonds. Shamita Shetty, meanwhile, is a police officer dating Ajay Devgan, who’s supposed to protect the diamonds. Meanwhile, all stunts are done by the actors’ computer-animated avatars, probably due to some grievance the director had with the stuntmen’s association.

High Points: Shamita Shetty who is deliciously doll-like, and 2 seconds of Ajay Devgan trying to dance.

Low Points: Extend from paying for the tickets, till the exits open.

Music: The Vishal-Shekhar duo seems to have made this album by infusing mujhra music into whatever was playing in VH1 at that time. The lyrics sound as if a toddler learning to string sentences together in Hinglish has written them.

Final verdict: If this movie had stuck to its original release date, I would have taken my juniors here for a job-treat. ‘Nuff said.

P.S. Coming up next – movie review for “Buddha Mar Gaya”

The 'Deathly' Hallows

How did the French exclaim when the heard about the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989?


--'Walldemort'

(Mort = dead in Français)

Thought for the day

FAILURE is the stepping stone to SUICIDE

---New Jungle Saying

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

CNN-IBN - India's Best Entertainment Channel Part 3

Dear CNN-IBN,

Please spare us small town India people. We don't want to become hip and happening. And please do not use is twice in the same line you mention about us. And what stupid drama is this? Dhoni became the Captain because he plays good cricket and not because he is from Ranchi.




Jailed again?

What would you get if Pratibha Patil filed an FIR against Paris and Nicole for indecent exposure?


--A Presidential Suit(e) at the Hiltons.

Preity Zinta's Coffee









Which is Preity Zinta's favourite coffee?

Ness-café


Preity's favourite FMCG brand?

Ness-tle

Spot the difference between the two images.



The three wise monkeys both above and below.



Do i really have to write something here?
I guess we all know the well worn cliché: "A picture is worth a 1000 words"

Heh.

Announcing The Launch Of This Blog

How would we announce the launch of this blog?

Another One Bytes The Dust.
About the song, here.

Proud Lion

A man takes his 8-year-old son for a drive by the countryside, and he drives at 60 M.P.H. in a 20 M.P.H. zone. The son looked at the speedometer and said, "Dad, you are a real lion!” The proud dad took the compliment and played the part of a hero to his son by stepping even more on the gas pedal.

This time, he is traveling at 80 M.P.H. in a 20 M.P.H. zone. The son looked at the speedometer and said, "Dad, you are a perfect lion!" The dad smiled proudly. Just then, they drove past a farm with a jackass grazing on it.

The son said, pointing to the jackass, "Dad, look! A lion"!

MM

Hi Ashish..
thinking what i should write....
so many times we meet , i think this is good friendship but we never talk in detail...just hi..hello....n bye..

so..only one song which comes to my mind..

"
Na tum hamen jano,
Na hum tumhen jane,
Magar abto lage aisa,
Ek achchha dost mil gaya".

And to my this sweet friend,
best luck 2 u dear 4 everything.....

CNN-IBN - India's Best Entertainment Channel Part 2

See, it is not without reason that we called CNN-IBN India's Best Entertainment Channel in our earlier post. Looks like a maiden at CNN-IBN has been bowled over so much by Kapil Dev that she replaced Shri Kapil Sibal's photo with that of Kapil Dev.

What do you say? A super bouncer this one or a good catch by us?

Monday, August 6, 2007

PJ - Mousing around the place


Close on the heels of Archie comics introducing an Indian named Raj Patel, Walt Disney has announced that it will follow suit with an Indian mouse. What is it called?

Mika Mouse.


What will his everlasting female companion be called?


Rakhi Mouse.

PJ3 - La-ayan

What do u call it if 100 lions make their dens right next to each other?

Den-city!

The french 'connection'

What do they call G-Talk in France?

Parle-G

Those who didnt get it go here and figure it out for yourself.

Very Tough GCET question

Find the odd one out .

  1. Terrible
  2. Credible
  3. Birbal
  4. Sensible
PS. GCET is Gujarat Common Entrance Test, one of the toughest MBA entrance exams in India. One has to clear this exam to get into the prestigious Veer Narmad South Gujarat Universtity for their much sought-after MBA course.

PJ2 - Ass Far Ass It Can Go

What do u call a three legged donkey?

Ass-ymetrical

PJ1 - Monica Lewinsky's Blog

If monica lewinsky had kept a blog while in White House, how would she have labelled it?

Lay-bill!

CNN-IBN - India's Best Entertainment Channel

Absolutely. At least their Blogs section is. First Anuradha Sengupta entertained us and infuriated a lot with her Sivaji - The Boss Of Crap post. Stung by the reaction, she comes up with the Life After Sivaji post. Reactions also come in the form of Orkut communities like Anuradha Sengupta - The Pig and Anuradha Sengupta Sucks. She also has a cartoon done in her name. Click on the image for the enlarged view.


The Sivaji controversy seems to be following her to her new blog as well. The comments on the posts there, again, are very entertaining.

Now, Sagarika Ghosh in her latest post - Shshsh ...Muslim! says, referring to the recent court cases involving Muslims in India and abroad -

Soon India's jails will be choc-a-block with Muslims.


Thanks for the entertainment, CNN-IBN.

Hello World

Mike Testing 1..2..3.

Yes, it works! Let the performance begin.